Maintaining a consistently supportive environment, even during a challenging period, is important for your teen’s sense of stability and security. Here are some strategies that support a positive family environment.

• Shifting Gears on Behaviours that Challenge 

  • View your teen’s behaviours that challenge as communication of an unsolved problem, unmet need, or that they have exceeded their coping strategies.
  • Prioritise understanding their behaviour rather than attempting to  stop it. This approach can assist with it resolving faster.
  • Don’t presume to know what is happening for your teen and their internal states.
  • Remain curious to see what you can learn from them and about them.
  • Ask your teen questions about their experiences and what it means to them.
  • Ask your teen how they think you can help them.
  • Speak to you teen about your challenges in relation to them, and ask for their advice on how to approach issues.
  • Share your experiences as a teen and some of your challenges at their age.
  • Don’t presume to know your child understands their behaviour or feelings. If they say, “I don’t know”, it is because they don’t know.

• Remain Calm and Provide a Positive Family Environment.

  • Provide a positive, loving, and safe environment is ideal for your teen to learn about who they wish to be in the world.
  • Support a low-conflict environment.
  • Model calmness and respectful communication.
  • With angry teen responses, slow the communication down. Support regulation before continuing the communication.
  • Give your teen time to talk in communication, slow talks down to allow them time to finish what they wish to say.

• Consistency and Clear Boundaries.

  • Communicate family values and  expectations through actions.
  • Be consistent in your parenting practices (e.g., device time).
  • Maintain clear boundaries to help children feel secure.

• Use Positive Attention.

  • Use praise frequently and try to be specific (e.g., “I liked the way you put the plate in the dishwasher without me asking.”).
  • Planned ignoring of unhelpful responses and actions may assist with lowered conflict.
  • Use encouraging messages frequently to reinforce expectations, family values and desired behaviours. This is more effective than a punitive approach.
  • Learn about your child. Ask them questions about their likes, dislikes and who they are or wish to be in the world.

• Challenging Other Beliefs

  • Frame lacking motivation to depleted coping skills. Typically, teens desire to do well. Sometimes, their lack of motivation is interpreted as being lazy rather than having given up on trying due to repeated knockbacks.
  • Skill deficits may make it difficult for a teen to do well.
  • A teen who has been boxed (e.g., seen as lazy or bad) may give up and stop caring as a way of coping.

• Don’t Give up on your Teen

  • They need you more than ever, even if they don’t say or show it.